This past weekend, Donald Trump attended a UFC fight alongside Elon Musk, RFK Jr., Donald Trump Jr., and House Speaker Mike Johnson. But while the octagon delivered its usual dose of knockouts, the real heavyweight action came later aboard Trump’s private jet—a high-altitude adventure marred by McDonald’s indulgence, a photo op gone wrong, and rumors of some truly hair-curling turbulence.
The Feast That Launched a Thousand Farts
As the group boarded Trump Force One for the flight back, insiders say the former president had stocked the plane with enough McDonald’s to feed a small army—or, in this case, a few billionaires and their hangers-on. Big Macs, Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, fries, and milkshakes were spread out like a greasy buffet, with Trump perched at the center like a fast-food king surveying his golden arches kingdom.
The now-infamous photo from the flight captures the mood: Trump grinning over a pile of burgers, Don Jr. flashing a thumbs-up with a half-eaten fry hanging from his mouth, and Elon Musk looking strangely contemplative as if trying to calculate the environmental impact of this caloric catastrophe. But the real standout is RFK Jr., who appears visibly horrified, clutching a bottle of sugar-filled Coke like it’s a holy relic warding off evil spirits.
“Let’s just say kale smoothies weren’t on the menu,” quipped one insider.
The Flatulence Heard Around the World
According to sources close to the action, the trouble began shortly after takeoff. Having polished off a trio of Big Macs and washed them down with a chocolate shake, Trump reportedly settled into his seat, leaving the cabin to deal with the aftermath—literally.
“It was like a Category 5 fart hurricane,” said one unlucky staffer. “At first, we thought there was an engine problem.”
Passengers attempted to stay composed, but the gaseous onslaught proved too much for even the most seasoned sycophants. Elon Musk allegedly whipped out his phone and tweeted, pretending nothing was wrong. Don Jr. tried to open a window—only to realize he was on an airplane.
Speaker Mike Johnson, ever the loyal ally, reportedly turned to Trump and exclaimed, “Sir, Thanks for dinner!” though his watery eyes told a different story.
RFK Jr.’s Nightmare
As a self-proclaimed health nut, RFK Jr. was hit the hardest. Witnesses claim he tried to breathe through his protein bar wrapper to avoid inhaling what he later described as “quite a trip.”
“I’ve dedicated my life to public health,” RFK Jr. was overheard mumbling. “But nothing could have prepared me for this biological weapon.” At one point, he reportedly contemplated parachuting out of the plane, only to be stopped by a Secret Service agent who reminded him he’s not in the Kennedy clan’s golden age anymore.
A Flight to Forget
By the time Trump Force One landed, the cabin had reached what one source described as “DEFCON: Dumpster.” Passengers practically sprinted down the stairs, with some visibly fanning themselves. “You could see who sat closest to Trump by how green their faces were,” said one observer.
For his part, Trump appeared unfazed by the chaos, telling reporters, “It was a beautiful fight” as if he was high on his own farts.
The Fallout
As news of the incident spread, social media erupted with mockery. Memes featuring Trump’s face photoshopped onto a whoopee cushion flooded Twitter, while late-night comedians dubbed the ordeal “Trump’s Toxic Cloud.” One user joked, “Forget Space Force, we need Fart Force to handle this national emergency.”
As for future flights on Trump Force One, insiders suggest investing in industrial-strength air fresheners—or, better yet, handing out hazmat suits to all guests. Until then, those boarding the plane will have to face an undeniable reality: When Trump says he’s bringing the heat, it’s not just about politics—it’s about the fallout from a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.